NNOITRA: The Owner's Guide and Manual
by Doggy L.O.A.C.W.D.M
Summary: I don't own Nnoitra nor do I own the manual idea. I am also rating my stories M now because I use strong cuss words XD


Done to the request of "I love Szayel Aporro Granz"

_Disclaimer: I don't own spoon boy. I also don't own the idea of the guides. I wish owned something. I'm too lazy to keep putting up a disclaimer XD but I guess even if I'm tired of it, it's kind of fun in its own way. Oh and an update! I'm rating all my work M because I use strong language XD but that's why you love this huh?_

**NNOITRA: The Owner's Guide and Manual**

Congratulations valued customer (insert name here). You have just purchased model number 47592747656258896231 of the NNOITRA unit in our Espada catalog section Y. This is your Owner's Guide and Manuel that should address all basic information, needs, warnings, and modes about NNOITRA unit number 47592747656258896231.

**Basic Information: The NNOITRA unit standard data**

Name: NNOITRA unit of our Espada catalog section Y.

The Type (what to expect): Loud, Annoying, Sexist, Appearance of a spoon (suitable for a big bowl of lucky charms)

Manufacturing Date (year/month,/day: hour/minute/second/milliseconds):

2009/9/7: 12/04/34/12

Manufacturing Company: Scattered Scream © co. Commercials and catalog provided by Just A Marionette© productions.

Weight (customized by customer for customer convenience): Anorexic Skinny **Average** Mildly Obese Obese Morbidly Obese

Height (customized by customer for customer convenience): Grain of Rice Garbanzo Bean Squirt Bottle Up-to-your-hip Average **Taller-than-a-door** House Roof Space Shuttle

**Equip List: NNOITRA's Fashion sense**

(Quantity: 1): White arrancar jacket. Has a spoon like hood

(Quantity: 1) White poofy pants. Tucked in at the end cuffs into boots

(Quantity: 2 or 1 pair) Black boots. Curved at the end. Giving him the classic Elf-lord like appearance.

(Quantity: 1) Eye patch. Worn over hollow hole where an eye should be

**New Feature!** (Quantity: 1set) Maid Outfit. Designed for men. Complete with duster, vacuum, mop, steam washer, sponge, bucket, and dishrags. Outfit contains ribbons, lace, and everything the maid dress would have. Just with pants (we wish to save your eyes from that unshaven hell O_O). We find his unit's tall size is perfect for reaching the top banister in your rich home.

**New Feature!** (Quantity: 1 set) Large bowl (can be customized with the colors blue, white, red and green), Large plastic cereal (customizable with frosted flakes©, froot loops©, apple jacks©, captain crunch©, and fruity pebbles©), and grey leotard (…hehehe). If your home needs a little bright cheery fun-ness in the morning, get your NNOITRA unit in the Home décor setting and tah dah! Your very own unwilling bowl o' cereal. Guaranteed to get you laughing at the misery all day!

**New Feature:** Chibi Gigai. Complete with the facial features of chibi fury, ball o' random, and innocent look

**The Box: Removing The NNOITRA Unit**

This step is very important for the NNOITRA unit has been known to be unpredictable. In some cases, it was brought to our attention it would do the following:

Beat the living shit out of your NEL unit

Insulting your ORIHIME unit by calling her "Pet-sama"

Insulting your ULQUIORRA unit concerning the ORIHIME unit by asking how well he's "taught" her

Be a total ass

Upon getting your box, place it in a room like the kitchen where utensils are accessible. Begin punching the box. Yes it will put your life in danger but it you hear a "WHAT THE FUCK!" then your NNOITRA unit is not being pimped out to losers with no life or losers who can't get laid. Begin hiding an searching through the utensils when the unit burst out of it's box. You must do this step quickly or you will surely get PWND. When the unit spots you, it most likely will want to beat the living shit out of you (or not even bother if you're weaker than it). Hold up either a fork (the known enemy to spoons) or a spork (the questionable cousin to the spoon). If you hold up the fork, then your NNOITRA unit should automatically submit to you out of fear of the mighty fork. If you used a spork, the unit will become an ally to you (for respect of his bi polar cousin the spork). Introduce yourself either way you took and then you go from there.

**Programming: For Situations or just activity**

Mwahaha la di da _(default)_

Piss off old man

IMA KEEL CHU AND THEN RIP CHU APAT!

Gentleman _(locked)_

Mwahaha la did da (default):

This is the default setting of your NNOITRA unit. After the box removal process, your unit is going to automatically switch to this setting. In this setting you unit will basically be pig headed and rude. That's pretty much it. So ya. Make it worth your while if you plan on purchasing this unit.

Piss off old man:

Just like the GRIMMJOW unit, the NNOITRA unit has a piss off old man setting as well. Same affects. It's more focusing on the rude gauge in it's emotion action generators. You can customize this setting to any of the levels you prefer.

Get off my back

YOUR NOT MY FATHER! DARTH VADER IS!

IM RUNNING AWAY YOU BASTARDS!

And 4) I hate you. I hope you die. I'll dance on your grave. I'll enjoy it.

IMA KEEL CHU AND RIP CHU APAT!:

In this setting your unit will become ready for battle and will have an increase in blood lust. It's similar to the KENPACHI unit's Bloody Massacre setting. Basically it will become easily aggravated and will begin killing anything in it's path (refer to the you tube video the "PMS horror movie". It should basically act the same way). Keep out any children and pets and beloved old ladies in your neighborhood when this happens and then get the fuck out of there.

Gentleman _(locked)_:

This mode is locked for a reason. It's not really the nature of this unit. However we decided to give you a break because we make the NNOITRA unit so we know how much your going to need it. Simply let him kill someone and give him a puppy as a reward. Tah dah! He takes the hint and switches into this mode unlocking the small little brat that tries to please every freakin human that resides in us all.

**F.A.Q: The Complaints of Whiny Ass Customers who won't leave us the hell alone**

**Q: **I just got the NNOITRA unit package this morning and my unit isn't there

**A:** If there is nothing in the box what so ever, then we probably need to beat the damn postal service guys cause they unpackaged it when we gave it to them at the companies doorstep. Please return it to us and we will ship you your unit and any of the beaten up postal guys you think are hot. If there's an article of clothing or a chunk of hair (maybe even claw marks) then your unit has either escaped or your stalker took it so he can have yet another little piece of you.

**Q: **My NNOITRA unit is being like totally mean and like stuff. So like, do you know what I should like…I dunno…do?

**A: **um lyke omagawd, like ether return it or lyke um get that stick out of your lyke um ass and deal with it, like omg, rotf lmao

**Q:** My NNOITRA unit is all girly (it has these dresses and make-up ad stuff). Got any idea what I should do?

**A: **Pimp slap it till it reaches the moon. It'll get some of that sense into it. It probably wasn't handled correctly upon shipping and getting throw around got it somehow gender bended.

**Q:** My NNOITRA unit isn't even a NNOITRA unit at all. It's some dog…thing…creature…something unrecognizable…maybe a girl (what the hell is this thing)?

**A:** DAMMIT YOU POSTAL GUYS! GIVE US BACK OUR C.E.O!!! We will ship that right to you as soon as we beat the fuck out of them dudes and retrieve Doggy (again…)

**Q:** MY NNOITRA UNIT WAS SLEEPING WITH MY ORIHIME UNIT! WHAT SHOULD I DO?! I CAN'T GET ANY SLEEP! IT'S DISTRUBING! HE'S RAPING MY POOR ORIHIME UNIT! WHAT SHOULD I DO?!!? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHAT SHOULD I DO?!!?

**A:** Whoa! First of all just calm down. All you have to do to solve the problem is show the NNOITRA unit pictures of STDs (maybe genital warts?) and he should be scared fuck-less (literally).


End file.
